confidence is key
Packing. Saying sad goodbyes and see-you-laters/probably-nevers.
Before Tony left, I asked him if he had any parting words of advice for me. Without missing a beat, he told me to be more confident.
Ofcourse, I got defensive. HE was telling ME to be more confident? HA.
But then he explained himself and what he’s seen of me and I’ve just been thinking about it.
For some reason, I always think on some level that another person’s opinion or desires are more valid than mine… I think that speaks to a sense of worth. For some reason (regardless of status or impression), I always assume that I am inherently worth less than the person in front of me. I really don’t know if this is how other people work too, and I don’t know why I’m like this.
I was defensive. I’m just open to constructive criticism. I just don’t want to be too “confident” and risk not seeing my flaws. I’m just very open-minded and I try to be considerate.
Over the past year, I have been trying to improve myself. I wanted to work towards being this amazing superhero of a woman. I wanted to be the best friend that I could be. I wanted to be the “best person” that I could be. Everywhere I went, I was surrounded by amazing people with similar aspirations. I dug around for more improvements I could make on myself. How do I transcend? How do I never hurt anyone? What are the things wrong with me and how can I make it better?
I know it’s good to seriously reflect on yourself and your flaws. That’s part of maturing. That’s how you grow. That’s how you become a better person.
But change is hard and these “flaws” might have roots in you deeper than you can pull at the moment.
Everyone has flaws. But maybe the key to confidence is recognizing them and loving yourself for them anyway. Not just accepting, but really loving.
And then I thought about it more. Loving flaws does not seem to make sense. How can you love flaws? That just does not compute. Flaws hurt other people. That’s not okay. Flaws sell yourself short. That’s not okay, either. You really can’t love flawed people.
Not without forgiveness. And then I realized how powerful forgiveness is. All this time, I’ve been trying to transcend, when really it’s the friends and family who forgive me on a daily basis that transcends my flaws and enables love.
I need to trust in the people I love enough to believe that they will forgive my less-than-perfect side. We all need to trust in people enough to forgive them and trust that they really do have the best intentions. All of us do. And lastly, I really need to trust and forgive myself—that despite my insecurities, I am valid. I am worthy. Whatever that means.
