things i would really like to do this break:

laundrydaze:

  1. Start communicating with God again.
  2. Figure out what friendship really means.
  3. Write up proposal for research.
  4. Figure out whatever I need to figure out so I can finally stop having nightmares about you-know-who.
  5. Love family enough.
  6. Stop being crazy/delusional.
  7. Fuck everything else: live/laugh/love.

Returning to Iowa in about five hours and looking over this list, feeling very content with it. This past five weeks were exactly what I needed. There was a lot of changing in college. I guess I felt like I lost myself for a little bit. Writing this list felt ridiculous—what colossal, yet ambiguous goals.

But I really feel like I hit all of these. Well. Except one. #3. Of course it’s the only concrete goal I had and the only work I actually needed to produce. Of course it’s 4 AM in the morning before I come back from vacation and I’m only just working through the proposal now. Of course I’m wasting precious time on social networking sites instead. Of course.

I’m ready to go back. I’m ready to write this proposal. I’m ready to fling myself—at classes and projects (with passion), at people (with love), and at floors and furniture (while drunk). I’m ready to be belligerent about remembering who I am.

It’s literally the last couple of hours of my vacation, so it’s a little pathetic that I’m going to need to turn on SelfControl after this blog post. After I turn it on, I’ll really be cut off from everyone! (if I can’t stalk you online, how will I know you all exist?)

Byyyyyyyyyye/see you all soon!!!/you guys live in my heart/(and hopefully not just in my head).

Jan

21

2012

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CUDDLE FUDDLE by DEDDY